This was my first Christmas away from Domenic (6). I tried to do all I could, sent him TWO different Christmas cards, sent him the “Hess Truck w/Space Shuttle” (he loves trucks and planes — it was a perfect combination!), and tried calling (as usual) several times — but was just able to speak to the answering machine (as usual). Unfortunately, many of you have also experienced this.
What did I hear from him? Nothing. People ask me, “do you think he got the present?”, “do you think he hears your phone messages?” — all I can really tell them is I hope so. “Don’t you wonder?” they ask. “No,” I respond, “the things I have no control over aren’t worth worrying about. All I can do is my best.”
Sometimes they say, “You ‘ex’ must be an awful person — how can anyone act that way — my God, its your own child, its Christmas ?!!”
I tell them, “No, she is not an awful person and I’m sure she is just doing what she thinks is right (don’t we all).”
What’s really awful is the ‘system’ that seems to encourage this type of behavior. We were always a “talking” couple, but as soon as the Divorce got serious (and legal advice was given), I faced a wall of silence. I was a bit surprised until a Lawyer told me, “If a couple doesn’t communicate, the Judge won’t award joint custody, and bias favors her.”
Wow! At first I didn’t believe it, but it was true. For her to exhibit any type of “normal” civil behaviour with me would damage her legal standing — can you believe that?
During my protest effort, I sent her a letter to let her know what was going on and that the protest wasn’t directed at her. It was directed at the “system” that made this all possible.