[AKidsRight.Org] The Discipline of Lent: Introspection & Your FEEDBACK (about others!)

jmurtari@akidsright.org

Good People & People of Faith,

The season of Lent is meant to be a time of introspection & penance as
preparation for the celebration of Easter. I know many of us are not
religious, but perhaps some personal reflection might help our reform
efforts. I have included some anonymous FEEDBACK from you regarding
these personal issues.

I certainly think the F-4-J folks have shown courage by their actions
(and some may soon be facing jail time.  Imagine that!).  I also tell
you someone else I have respect for, a mother named Diane Booth who
took her son and ran off to Canada.  Why?

Against her wishes her child was being medicated with Ritalin for
supposed ADHD.  Diane thought it was causing serious health problems
that would destroy his future.  She tried to work through the system,
but nobody listened (we can all relate to that).  Time was of the
essence and she saw the boy she knew slipping away. She ran with him
to Canada for a while, but they were eventually captured and returned
to the US.  She was jailed for a while.  Imagine that!

http://www.msnusers.com/FreeVincentBooth
Diane's email address: ChildRescue2006@aol.com

   [ Now please, have I confirmed that all this is really true, and
   that Diane is certified good-hearted, and not secretly a vampire?
   No. But please just evaluate her actions based on what I said.]

What would you have done?  Who's at fault if your child suffers
serious injury while in the care of the 'system'?

Taking Personal Moral Responsibility 
------------------------------------
I get a LOT of email and hear some pretty horrendous stories.  If you
haven't been there, please visit our Hall of Shame page,
http://www.AKidsRight.Org/shame.htm 

Sometimes I wonder about the people behind the messages I get.  They
describe horrific physical or sexual abuse happening to their child.
They describe what an absolute monster either the other parent or
social worker is... and you want to know something?  The worse they
make it sound, the more I wonder.... 

Do they really believe that or are they just turning up the volume
because they think that will work?  But even more so I ask why aren't
they taking action to try to save their child?  Your child is being
sexually abused and you are sending me an email message?  You are
blaming the system ... the other parent ... the judge ... the social
worker, but what are YOU doing?  

Many of you think a 'Court Order' absolves you of your personal moral
responsibility for the welfare of your children?  The Judge put my kid
in an abusive home, what can I do? 

Why do I like Diane.  Her actions were consistent with what she was
saying and she had the courage to take action.  Done with a "well
formed conscience" (search that on Google) it is also a GOOD act.

Introspection - a reality check for all of us.
---------------------------------------------
Some of the stories involve an 'other' parent who is into drinking
and/or drugs.  I really wonder about those?  Did this other parent
just start doing drugs, or were they doing it before when you had
a 'relationship' and it didn't bother you?

I wonder about the children that were the accidental products of
one-night stands.  Neither future parent was thinking of a child at
the moment -- they just wanted to get their groin tickled!

These are perhaps easy for many of us to criticize, but what of the
more subtle failures?  The confidence and Faith we lacked ourselves,
that led to poor situations for our ourselves and consequently for our
children.  The times we were so caught up in 'something else', that
we failed to respond to those close to us?

And certainly, for all of us who have new found 'righteousness' about
the dismal state of Family Law ... How many of us were concerned
enough to pay attention or contact legislators when these laws were
being passed years ago? We did nothing, it hadn't happened
to us yet?  But now we have no patience with legislators?

Sometimes I'd like to hear someone say, "and I wasn't perfect either,
I made a few mistakes which may have contributed to this..."  I feel
more sympathetic for those folks, more inclined to believe...

I am able to feel much more compassion for others, when I reflect on
all the things I could have done differently.  When I embrace the fact
that part of the reason my son Domenic has been through so much pain,
is based on my past failings....

The Past is Past
----------------
To continually regret past errors is destructive and foolish -- but so
is pretending they don't exist.  We become more able to work &
sacrifice for reform when we acknowledge our past failings and use
them as motivation to work for the future.  It also helps improve our
credibility and we don't shreeeek as much at the other parent and the
folks in the system.

Your FEEDBACK
-------------

----- A

> I have no visitation my son is turning six it will be two years
> without seeing me being lied to and told I am bad. what do you think
> will happen? I am going to be ordered to pay the same GAL that threw
> the case and pay more fines for what? giving birth. mothers who do
> not have abortions that were not married to the father are
> punished. this is ridiculous. It is wrong. My tender young child is
> too young to discern, the world is telling him he needs to be
> protected from his mom and lie about his mom the world is teaching
> him to be evil and be a liar like his dad what do I do? What further
> recourse do I have I was told over and over to get an abortion or
> pay for the sins of the father.

Very sorry to hear about not seeing your son for so long!  Another
ride through the system and they just don't care.  It's a lousy
system, but not sure your child's father is less deserving of being a
parent than you are?  Are the 'sins' all his?  You didn't have any
part in what went wrong?

...The system needs to change...  When this whole mess began and this
nightmare for your child.  Would it have been better if you had both
been equal parents with equal time?

-------- B

> I am a father, that did not get to see,or talk with my children
> during the holidays. I will tell you, and everyone that doesn't know
> how it feels. Death is kinder.  Anger is a emotion that we are
> taught in this world that is a ok feeling to have.  I am past the
> anger whenever that thought comes in my mind, I now can process it
> with forgiveness.

> However I do get the question in my mind alot, what could possess a
> person to be so hateful that they would make a slave of the
> children, and the next parent. What mind-set is it that plays god
> with the children, and one parents Inherent Rights?

> Anger is but one of the ill will thoughts, and feelings one has. Not
> know if your children, are alive or dead, not being able to see them
> or talk to them to encourage their minds, and spirit to overcome the
> evil ill feelings they are being shown by the other parent. Teaching
> mental illness, and darkness to the children.  Teaching them to
> hate, and disrespect half of who they are.  teaching them to say
> prayers to evil.

---------- C

> IT IS NOT "BITTERNESS OR HATRED", ONLY JUSTICE AND REDRESS.  JUDGES
> ARE POLITICALLY AND CRIMINALLY CORRUPT AND MUST BE BROUGHT TO
> JUSTICE. TO DENY SO IS TO DENY THE RIGHTS OF VICTIMIZED CHILDREN AND
> FAMILIES. 

> A LOVING PARENT CAN NEVER "FORGET" OR MOVE ON OR ACCEPT THE
> TRAFFICKING IN CHILDREN. ITS NOT ABOUT FINDING A NEW FAMILY LIKE YOU
> ARE SHOPPING FOR A NEW DOG.... JESUS SAID "I HATE DIVORCE". REMEMBER
> THAT.

Perhaps we should separate the bad things people do (including us),
and the bad things people do that should be punished -- from the
reality that ALL people should be treated with respect, dignity, and
compassion. I don't like what happened to my family, some people
didn't do their jobs, and other people were down right illegal and
what they did. Yes, I will call out what they did and ask for justice
-- but I will not call them 'names'.

Demonstrating our love for our kids is enough to bring reform; and the
most powerful demonstrations of that love come through voluntary self
sacrifice (not going after other's for their problems). I don't blame
you for being angry about what happened to you and I am very angry
about my situation (who wouldn't be?). But we need to channel that
anger into positive action? Surely you see all the accusations,
moaning, and bickering that goes on even between people involved in
reform -- I feel we've got to get by that in our individual actions.

> REPLY:
> You are correct.  That is why I have ceased participating in the
> "group therapy" of patronizing other message boards.  I have found,
> in my experience, that all it does is stir up bad feelings and
> in-fighting, and it really serves no purpose.  I am re-focused my
> attention on education and action - getting laws passed, exposing
> the corruption with documented evidence, and reaching out to those
> who really do have the power to help - those such as Neil Bush and
> many conservatives who really are interested in "family values" as
> not just a campaign slogan, but show their true support by passing
> new laws and actually prosecuting and bringing the real criminals to
> justice!

------------ D

> ... how can I not be angry or feel victimized or even criticize the
> wrongdoers and injustices endured?  I feel I have a proper
> perspective and know the difference between acceptable &
> unacceptable behavior.  It's those emotions that reside within me
> and the need to hold those accountable for taking away my God given
> rights and obligations that gives me the strength necessary to
> continue to tell my story.  These emotions are just and deep seated.
> My children are suffering and I cannot protect them.

I share your anger at the thoughts of what happened to my family.  At
times I have feelings of hatred and a desire for 'righteous'
accountability towards the people that helped destroy my family.  That
is how I feel, and probably not too far from your feelings and those
of so many others.

I once had a 'spiritual director' actually tell me something useful. I
was struggling with something and asked him, 'how should I feel about
this?"  He replied, "John, you are suppose to feel the way you feel.
The only real question is what action are you going to take?"

... When those strong feelings inspire us to take powerful action (and
powerful action does not involve trying to convince ourselves and
others that the people that hurt us are less worthy of dignity,
respect, and compassion as we are).  Is your 'telling of your story'
powerful action?  Only you know your situation, I can only guess (and
probably offend you), but can you do more?  Act with perfect Faith,
perfect Love?

... Lastly, I am brought to one of your sentences, "My children are
suffering and I cannot protect them."  I'm sorry, please don't think
of me as a insensitive rock (although I have some Court papers that
say that is what I am!) -- I don't believe that for one moment when it
becomes an excuse for not taking strong action.  Probably, what you
mean to say is, "I don't think anything I can do will matter..."  What
an awful idea, what a lack of Faith, of belief in the power of love,
especially if you say you know your children are truly suffering (what
does that actually mean?)

Going it over & over & over in your mind can tear a parent up inside.
Maybe the situation isn't great for your kids, it's not great for my
son either.  But I am thankful he is healthy and sound, there are so
many kids in the world who don't even have that.  I can see him at
times and we have a joyous time together (albeit short).  He loves me
and hugs me -- maybe my situation is better that yours?

But I can't just forget, or go on, or get used to it -- even with all
that he & I have. It is an awful system (not awful people), and I will
probably be going to jail again soon in my loving efforts to
demonstrate the need for reform.  I might lose my health, I could lose
my home -- but I need to act to stop this terrible system we have.

Best regards!

-- 
                                       John Murtari
____________________________________________________________________
Coordinator                            AKidsRight.Org
jmurtari@AKidsRight.Org                "A Kid's Right to BOTH parents"
Toll Free (877) 635-1968(x-211)        http://www.AKidsRight.Org/

=======================================
Newsletter mailing list
Newsletter@kids-right.org  subscribe/unsubscribe info below:
http://kids-right.org/mailman/listinfo/newsletter